the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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