it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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