Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
