then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
