we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
