just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
