Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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