I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
