if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
