More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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