Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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