that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
