ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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