Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
