Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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