I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
