when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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