Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
