I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
