I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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