jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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