his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize