yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
