Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
