Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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