I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
