Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
