and you said cock pushups were impossible
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
