i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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