my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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