Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
