So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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