East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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