I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
