i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
