Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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