tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
