idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
