He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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