she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
