I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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