Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
