and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
