Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
