Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
