Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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