if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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