She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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