..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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