apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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