dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
