ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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