Say something about gay babies.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
bring money and cleavage
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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