Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
