Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
