Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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