Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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