Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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