just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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