So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
