There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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