i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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