I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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